i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Randomize
