It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
