I puked a lego.
Buhtt sex?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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