I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
