i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
