On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
