I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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