Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
