At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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