i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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