i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
