Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
