someone get that fucking seahorse.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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