Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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