And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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