I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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