It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize