At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
