The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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