i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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