I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
