That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
