he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
