It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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