I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
