He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I want to be your penis for a week.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
