3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
