i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
