let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
