She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
do nipples grow back?
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