That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
