So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
