Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
