i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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