they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
