Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
