I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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