I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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