Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
