No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
