Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
