I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
