this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I deserve this hangover.
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