but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
