Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
