come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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