ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
