You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
