He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
