Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
