Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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