ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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