Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
