Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
