Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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