Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
