he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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