you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
