I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
