i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
