Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
