I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
