Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
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the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
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I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.