I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
