Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
