You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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