Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
