Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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