CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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