she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
