I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
