u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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