What did we do last night that was yellow?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
